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Youths eyes oversee truth Captained by a world of hatred Too young yet too old A thin line of reality “To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music that words make.” Truman Capote

Sunday, January 3, 2010

A New Year 2008 into 2009

January 11, 2009

Well 2009! Yay what a year this one has been. God so fucking insane. Hmmmmmm:


1. Promising to Carson that I will live my life and not commit suicide.

2. The Nap (you know which day) Interestingly enough it was a peek of happiness and destruction.

3. Not dating Thom and becoming really awesome friends instead!

4. SAN FRANSICO!! And seeing Sabe there and talking and never missing anyone more (other than missing Carson so much that I almost cried everyday).

5. Missing the fact that Carson and I will never be the same L.

6. The One ACTS! Great experience but hard as fucking HELL!

7. Writing my own play (fuck yeah I accomplished that!)

8. Having a boyfriend

9. Having all of my friends accept him and bring him into their own lives. Thank you, you have no idea what it means to me and him!

10. Becoming more with my emotions (kind of) and realising that I can take charge and command.

11. One more thing, Thank you The New Pornographers for writing the song Bleeding Hearts Show, it has become our anthem!

I think that’s it. It was another amazing year and there were so many good times that I can’t think of just one time that over ruled them all and was the best. Each time I’m with you all I feel accepted and that I can be myself completely. Thank you my dears, I will remember you always and forever!

January 18, 2009

Well, HA this is an interesting little tid-bit I’m breaking up with Greg. I’m just not feeling it. I dunno, I’ll give it a week or so just so that I know for a fact that that is what I want. And I will know in a week. Also I just don’t want to deal with this bullshit anymore. He’s so needed and he doesn’t understand my need for space and solitude. UGH he just doesn’t understand me at all. He thinks he knows me but he’s barely just read chapter one of a thousand page novel. Anyways beside the fact that I’m most likely going to break his heart I am apparently a fucking pleasure vessel who has been placed on earth as a beacon of fucking heat. Heat meaning pleasurable existence. God, I just know how to cause, well, I know how to cause Greg extreme pleasure – minus New Years (that’s a no duh kinda way around it) – by just moving. It’s weird, like I know I’m a sexual being I just am but like I could probably tab Thom’s weaknesses really easily. Now its just using all of what I’ve learned to help me get someone who is worth it. Now who is worth my time of day? Hmmmm.

Boys at EMS Worth My Pleasure (this isn’t in an order):

1. Royce ( HOT!)

2. Morgan ( yet is a total ass and we are NOT in the same circle at ALL!) so actually he isn’t he’s just hot.

3. Nick ( Siguine or what ever his last name is but yeah not Dong….oh god! ICK!)

4. Chris Sadko (love this kid, so awesome and funny! Would totally date him. Whoa, total serge of happiness thinking of him. This is an odd feeling….I like it!)

5. Okay of course Carson, he’s just a no brainer but nothing is ever going to happen so whatev’s.

6. Danny (My night in shining Gayness love him so much!)

God damn we need to start hanging out with more guys. This shouldn’t be this hard. A couple years ago I could make a list 20 guys long. This is friggin depressing. And I have a boyfriend. This is bullshit okay more of an ex-boyfriend that just doesn’t know it yet. Besides the point we just need more boys. More good boys, like not good good but just good overall guys. The gentlemanly boys.

Holy crap Greg is not a gentleman. Yeah he brought me a rose and showed up at my house unexpectedly but that’s because I told himto. He’s just so god damn needed. Ugh, piss off. Anyways going to bed now. I’ll need to rest for tomorrow. I’ve had a 4 day break. Go being sick and then falling down the stairs and hurting myself – yay…not! Okay I’m getting really bitter. Adios cyborg.

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