Messed UP!

Okay so bringing yalls up to speed. I AM A WHORE! Holy shit! I actually don't know what is wrong with me!!! Okay so the story, last night I was at a party with my friends and stuff and I got really high - actually not that high but a couple to many tokes. Anyways, I was also fairly drunk or tipsy, and well I kissed and confronted the girl I like and then hooked up with my ex, kissed a good friend and also kissed another good friend. I AM A WHORE! DEAR LORD! and then tonight, instead of going and hanging out with my other friends I chose to invite my ex over, cuz we agreed to be friends with benefits (WHAT??), and we made out fro about three hours... I FAIL!!! Oh and I'm doing this while I'm fawning over this AMAZING girl I realllllllly like! Oh god, she's so amazing! She's beautiful, funny okay HILARIOUS, intelligent, she laughs at my really bad jokes and I believe she likes me to. I think, but all she is saying is that she is CONFUSED!! UGH! (she has never had anyone be so upfront about liking her, I DON"T KNOW WHY! She is so glorious!

Okay, anyways, thats the past 42 hours of my life, great huh? I just keep fucking myself over. I know I should stop with the friends with benefits but until i know what is going on with my crush, WHY NOT? I know it's a bad view point but i even talked to her about it's not a bad thing, just if she's not cool with it I'll stop. But she hasn't said anything about it other than no its okay but should I just trust my instincts and stop it? WHat do I DO!!?!?!? I NEED A COUNCELORS APOINTMENT!! Dear lord, and I thought grade 12 wouldn't be so fucked up...well, I was wrong.

The Current Fucked Up Me:

Current Muse: Stars, Radiohead, Disney, Muse

Current Boyfriend: no

Current Girlfriend: Hopefully A!

Current Relationship Status: Having a FWB and a major crush

Current Weight: okay, but I still want to lose some weight

Current Happiness Level: Not good!

Current Awake-ness Level: Pretty good

Current Employment: Slave to Meat

Current Writing Status: starting second chapter of The Unknown

Current I-Feel-Fab-About-Life-In-All-Ways Level: Shit

Ophelya = depressed, suppressed sexuallity and urges mixed with utter stupidity UGH!!!

My life is turning into a soup opera!