Bile

yeah, weird name, whatever I don't care. I was thinking that i should probably go to bed, or do some homework or be productive in anyway....and then i began to write. I love to hate my procrastination. Right now, I'm hating it a lot. I know the saying, where theres a will there's a way! Yet whoever wrote that was not at all depressed or hadn't hit his or her midlife crisis...or they were just stupid and naive. Either way, its not at all that simple for me. I believe that I am most likely clinically depressed. OMG!! NO WAYS!! You might say, but come on!?! THINK ABOUT IT! I'm 17, my parents are divorced - big shock now a days - my father is with another woman who I hate, my sister has moved out and I had a really bad break-up the WEEK before my grade 12 year started. How would you be feeling? Oh and I have a show opening in a week and I'm sexually confused and frustrated. This is all happening in one head, among numerous other things that I can't get into at all because that would take up far to much of my time and your time.

Oh one other thing, not only are my problems running around in my head, my friends are asking for advice and just making stupid decisions for themselves. WHO WANTS TO DATE A WHORE!!?!?! apparently my friend does and is attempting to court a fucking strumpet! God! Wow totally forgot, I'm writer as well - as you know - and that means that I have characters, therefore their problems are in my head and there stories! I can't get it all straight! If not, I'm fucked righteously!

Thats all for tonight non-readers,

Toodles,

Ophelya - The Unconventional Girl (with messed up and stereotypical problems)

Uninteresting Title

Well, guess what?
1. I'm bored with life again
2. I'm considering not playing this guy because I'm A. not sure if I'm that into him and B. I really want to date a girl.
3. Major problems with the above
4. Haven't been to see my counselor in about 2 weeks, funnily enough both weeks I've been at my dads.
5. I think I freaked my writing teacher with this short story i wrote. I'll post it when I have the right copy on my computer.

Anyways, its only Wednesday, i'm fucked.

Oh and there is a major wind storm battering my house. Its scary and messed up.

Anyways, thats all for now. I know pretty lame post but fuck off....

Dynamics

So, I'm sitting in front of my friends computer and I don't know why I am here. I'm here because of fucking habit. I'm tired, getting into a disagreement with another friend and its fucking Thursday and 11 o'clock. WHY AM I HERE?!?!?

This blows. I feel incredibly out of place in the house I should feel completely at ease.

They are talking about things, that I can't put an input and they don't care. At all. And it sucks. I know it is my turn to be this one, but still it's really hurting and I don't want it to.

That first part was written a while ago and now I am better. Went to the counsellor yesterday and she said I did incredibly well considering my age (17). And today my Spanish teacher told me word for word, "I'm not giving up on you!" As I was leaving the class! I WAS SO HAPPY! I'm getting 57.6% in the class, i was getting 45 something-or-rather a couple weeks before. This week has been so awesome so far. Oh I also reconciled with my long time ex BF G. Yet he kind of confessed his undying love for me, not so into that. I don't re-date, just one of my many rules. I just don't go for the sloppy seconds, its kinda pitiful in my books. Though it really depends on the person. For G, no I would NOT get back together. Our relationship ended for a reason and those reasons are still there. Sorry Honey, not going to happen.

Quicky

So, got a deviantART account. Check it out: NightAngel92 or search 'Texas Lights'.

If?

If Junior Prom shoes are the most exciting part of your life, is something wrong? YES! Its everything in the world telling you you need a freakin life! Oh yeah, there yelling and screaming also!
This is where I am: 15, no boyfriend or girlfriend - I'm just a little sexually confused these days- oh and no freaking life in general! People who say highschool is fun are FUCKED! totally screwed! high school is the shits, people just mess you up even more!

Just trying to stay alive
Ophelya

12:12:08

I am seriously insane! Well, I'm not but I could be. Anyways, the reason why i am insane is because first: I'm in "love" with a fictional character - 10 guesses who - second because it took me five months to get a job. Despite all of that, I GOT A JOB. I'm so unbelievably happy - this is the part where, if you care enough, that you'd jump up and down and yell yay.
Anyways, that was yesterday (May 8th) and today is today - no shit - so. Today I am in Seattle!! WHOOP! The reason for my pilgrimage to Seattle is to first buy shoes for Junior Prom, second buy CD's at Easy Street records, thirdly because my mother and I have to house sit for my grandparents - not to jazzed about numero three.
Okay I'm really not into writing for this one, so I'm heading out.
Adios
Ophelya

Sad, very sad

I've been reading a heck load about meth and how it turns people upside down and into complete mental cases. Today I read all this personal stuff on this blog website (http://www.kci.org/meth_info/msg_board_posts/100105/meth_sores.htm) about tweeking and stuff. I wanted to know what it really was because I'm shooting a commercial and I need to act right. Well, I was just reading all these posts and people were talking about this stuff (meth) and how it isn't harmful at ALL! ARE THEY CRAZY?? i asked, and yes they are. The people who say : "oh i was on meth once but now I'm off. Oh yeah, tweeking and crank bugs, they're nothing. No worries about them." BULL SHIT!! Tweeking sucks. Its when someone is compulsively doing something because they're high on crank. Some of the stuff they do is they pick at their skin leaving gigantic hole like soars, that don't heal well at all.
It all just sucks in general, I can't wait till this commercial is over. I know I'm implying that I'll be turning a blind eye to this epidemic, but really what can I do? Shit all, is what.

Ophelya

Meth Epidemic!

HOW TO MAKE METH WEBSITE:
Googled: How to make met, this is what you get
First of all you have the choice of 375,000 websites to choose from. JUST ON MAKING METH, an illegal substance! The websites tell exactly what you need, where to get it and then how to put it all together. This is way out of hand!!
1. http://www.bombshock.com/forumsarchive/drugs/how%20to%20make%20meth.html
2. http://www.totse.com/en/drugs/speedy_drugs/ice.html
These sites are the ones that I found only to be about how to make it and such, not really any reason for it. Others had reasons, to get people off it by showing what is in it, all that jazz. This is a horrible thing. One of the MOST addictive drugs out there, yet people are still huffing and puffing it in. I don’t get it.

A Little Help From My Mother

Well, yesterdays post pretty much sucked. I was on a role with my poetry and I hadn't had one for a while and of course that when my mother comes down and demands the computer. Usually I wouldn't complain, but I wanted to finish the poem. So, I say can you give me a minute. That went over really freakin well. She got super pissed. Anyways, long story short, she got pissed, I didn't finish my poem and the post sucked.

TODAY:
Today I found out that instead of going back to my moms house - i was staying at my moms for two says while my dad and his "fiance" were at a conference - so back at my dads, and I'm staying till Thursday. woopdee freakin day! I hate being at my dads. It's so god damn annoying. The bitch aka fiance, is always breathing down my neck, and she is bipolar. I swear to it! Can't say much more, shes walking, pardon me, stalking around down stares. As I said - breaths down peoples backs!!!

Ophelya

Want

I want to be in happiness.
I want to be in heaven.
I want to be in place thats faceless.
I want to be in heaven.
There is no place.

Drunk + Friend = BAD!

So recently I broke up with my boyfriend. Well not so much a boyfriend but a boy nuisance. This is how it we "hooked up"
I was at this party with a whole heck load of people; a lot of them were my friends, a lot weren't. anyway, so I start drinking and stuff - FYI I'm an uber light weight so by like two coronas I'm absolutely plastered, seriously. I get like 4 shots of whiskey, half a bear and a couple gluggs of vodka, so I'm WAY over my limit. Also, I drank all of that in a matter of around fifteen minutes. So, i walk away from the party, apparently I started running away...to make a long story short, I pretty much convinced one of my friends that I new liked me that i was in love with him, but i was so very drunk that you can't blame it on me. I can't remember even talking with him.
So anyways, I stayed with him for about three weeks just to see if I did actually like him at all, turned out I didn't also turned out that he was a complete ass hole. So, learned a lot and it was a very interesting 3 weeks, not fun but interesting.

Fist Day

The title is spelled correctly don't worry.

Okay so, today was a fist day - a fist day is one in which you feel like you've been punch - and it was one because, well, I didn't win a contest. I know shallow right. I entered a writing contest at my school earlier this year. The piece I had put in wasn't one of my greatest by a freaking' long shot, but I still thought I had a good chance. Apparently not so much. At the end of the day, I was leaving to go to the Library down the hill from my school and my friend runs up and says "Our English teacher just told me - kind of she didn't say specifically but anyways - I won the writing contest." She’s all smiles and I feel like I've been punch. All I could say was good job and smile...and then quickly rush out of the school.

I feel so bad for feeling like I do, but it come with the skill. As I've said I'm a pretty good writer (I'll probably post a story or two) and I've been told, multiple times which I guess has gone to my head. So, when I hear someone who I know has done a better job than I have in the writing department, I'm crushed. I feel like screaming "I'M THE WRITER! NOT YOU! THIS IS MY JOB!" but of course I don't. Thank God for self-tact and discretion.

Ophelya