Le boyfriend

READ THE TITLE AND SUCK IT!

Oh my good lord! I have a 6 foot 7 blond, bomb shell for a boyfriend! God damn!

Wow, awesome! Just pure awesome!

He constantly wants to: i wanna come over so you can lay next to me and i can hold you!

MULTIPLE YAYS!

RANT!

Okay so for the next three days I am going to rant about:

1. LOVE

2. BEAUTY

3. LIVING!

Yes I have a problem with all three of those.

I'll be starting tomorrow if anyone cares :D

GAH-HA!

Okay, so other than quoting ratatouille for my title, GAH-HA! I'm so messed right now. I think I had the worst weekend known to man kind, yet it was still awesome!Met a really awesome person, realised I REALLY didn't want to date my girl crush and found out my ex is still a fucking whore. ALL THE WHILE DEALING WITH REALLY DRUNK PEOPLE!! UGH!! Sometimes I hate teenage years.

Anyways, everything else is pretty mediocre. the most interesting thing is that I've constanty been texting this guy. UGH, such sillyness.

VALEN-BULL SHIT!

To bring a bit of reality to the bubbling bull-shit that is Valentines day, here's a poem:

Come deem our civilization

To that it which it wont want to be

A fiction

A fantasy

Immortality

Something that cannot be

Something that will not be

Something that we as ourselves cannot even grasp

Fight to live

Fight to be human

Upgrade

Feed the lives

Feed the ties

Feed the lies

Which hold our humans together

Our Humanoid conspiracies

We refuse to see

Deemed contradictory

Can’t you breath?

Can’t you see?

Touch

Feel

Taste

All the senses

5

6

7

8

6 Billion human beings

One of which will change our lives

Change is in our grasp

Can you touch it?

Can you feel it?

Will you hold out your palm?

Will you raise it?

Reconstitute the destitute

Rebirth our souls

Rebirth our morals

Forget war

Feel the blood on our hands

We are our own bands

CAKE GOD DAMN IT CAKE

I really want cake... damn you Ultimate Cake Off and lack of sleep. Okay I have cake in my freezer and cake mix but I don't want to make a mess and I don't know if I'm allowed to eat the cake in the freezer./.....GARG!

I'm wallowing in my own self defeat

crying to the long lost footsteps of past

I plead with you to come back

But no one will return my lost echo

Messed UP!

Okay so bringing yalls up to speed. I AM A WHORE! Holy shit! I actually don't know what is wrong with me!!! Okay so the story, last night I was at a party with my friends and stuff and I got really high - actually not that high but a couple to many tokes. Anyways, I was also fairly drunk or tipsy, and well I kissed and confronted the girl I like and then hooked up with my ex, kissed a good friend and also kissed another good friend. I AM A WHORE! DEAR LORD! and then tonight, instead of going and hanging out with my other friends I chose to invite my ex over, cuz we agreed to be friends with benefits (WHAT??), and we made out fro about three hours... I FAIL!!! Oh and I'm doing this while I'm fawning over this AMAZING girl I realllllllly like! Oh god, she's so amazing! She's beautiful, funny okay HILARIOUS, intelligent, she laughs at my really bad jokes and I believe she likes me to. I think, but all she is saying is that she is CONFUSED!! UGH! (she has never had anyone be so upfront about liking her, I DON"T KNOW WHY! She is so glorious!

Okay, anyways, thats the past 42 hours of my life, great huh? I just keep fucking myself over. I know I should stop with the friends with benefits but until i know what is going on with my crush, WHY NOT? I know it's a bad view point but i even talked to her about it's not a bad thing, just if she's not cool with it I'll stop. But she hasn't said anything about it other than no its okay but should I just trust my instincts and stop it? WHat do I DO!!?!?!? I NEED A COUNCELORS APOINTMENT!! Dear lord, and I thought grade 12 wouldn't be so fucked up...well, I was wrong.

The Current Fucked Up Me:

Current Muse: Stars, Radiohead, Disney, Muse

Current Boyfriend: no

Current Girlfriend: Hopefully A!

Current Relationship Status: Having a FWB and a major crush

Current Weight: okay, but I still want to lose some weight

Current Happiness Level: Not good!

Current Awake-ness Level: Pretty good

Current Employment: Slave to Meat

Current Writing Status: starting second chapter of The Unknown

Current I-Feel-Fab-About-Life-In-All-Ways Level: Shit

Ophelya = depressed, suppressed sexuallity and urges mixed with utter stupidity UGH!!!

My life is turning into a soup opera!

F...M...L

I REALLY need to be doing my homework right now but FUCK IT! I'm soo damn tired and I should have been doing homework all day but instead I went to my friend Thoms house and ate really good pasta and watched Hot Fuzz - my mother thought it was a porn, it isn't.

Anyways, I shall actually get onto my work.

Night.!

The Unconventional, Undeniable Procrastinator Girl

a New Year 2009 into 2010

I don't even know what day it is....(moments to find out the date) ah, January 3rd, 2010....OH MY F******* GOD!

Okay, 2010, I can handle this. Okay, important events and all that jazz in my life this past year:

1. Broke up with Greg, sorry Greg you just were a really bad bf and I could not handle two and a half hour conversations ever single night. Though it is nice that we are friends...sort of.
2. Went to GIFTS, SUCH an awesome time, and I met Matt.
3. Having my 'heart' broken by Matt in the middle of Vancouver when I was going to commit. That sucked but it needed to be done so that I know what I'm putting people through when I drop them on their asses unexpectedly. Thats all that a Break Up is, it is an unfortunate turn of completely unexpected and horrible words which happen to digest a relationship in three words: Sorry, its over.
4. GETTING MY MAC! Yeah I know superficial and materialistic, but it is so pretty!!! I loves it (bad grammar).
5. KICKING ass at the One Acts - school festival, my team and I did the 15 Minute Hamlet and it ROCKED!
6. Ermmmmm.....OH! Coming up with the ideas for The Unknown and The Empire, two could be novels or screen plays - oh yeah that is hard to figure out.
7. SEEING PEARL JAM FOR MY BIRTHDAY!! EDDIE VEDDER IS A DEMI-GOD

I think that is it, I think. Of course I'll most likely think up seventeen hundred more things to thank in about 20 minutes. OH

1. Okay, I can't change that to 8 but this is number 8: DOCTOR WHo! Thanks David Tennant for being awesome and creative and just a down right wicked actor in general. We shall miss seeing you as the Doctor but we - I guess all of your fans, not sure why I'm writing in second person - know you shall go on to do amazing things! Thanks!

Okay, thats it for now. I will post again on a later date in the year 20 fucking 10! Oh dear lord....

The Unconventional Girl

A New Year 2008 into 2009

January 11, 2009

Well 2009! Yay what a year this one has been. God so fucking insane. Hmmmmmm:

IMPORTANT EVENTS IN OPHELYA TOR’S LIFE IN 2008:

^1. Promising to Carson that I will live my life and not commit suicide.

^2. The Nap (you know which day) Interestingly enough it was a peek of happiness and destruction.

^3. Not dating Thom and becoming really awesome friends instead!

^4. SAN FRANSICO!! And seeing Sabe there and talking and never missing anyone more (other than missing Carson so much that I almost cried everyday).

^5. Missing the fact that Carson and I will never be the same L.

^6. The One ACTS! Great experience but hard as fucking HELL!

^7. Writing my own play (fuck yeah I accomplished that!)

^8. Having a boyfriend

^9. Having all of my friends accept him and bring him into their own lives. Thank you, you have no idea what it means to me and him!

^10. Becoming more with my emotions (kind of) and realising that I can take charge and command.

^11. One more thing, Thank you The New Pornographers for writing the song Bleeding Hearts Show, it has become our anthem!

I think that’s it. It was another amazing year and there were so many good times that I can’t think of just one time that over ruled them all and was the best. Each time I’m with you all I feel accepted and that I can be myself completely. Thank you my dears, I will remember you always and forever!

January 18, 2009

Well, HA this is an interesting little tid-bit I’m breaking up with Greg. I’m just not feeling it. I dunno, I’ll give it a week or so just so that I know for a fact that that is what I want. And I will know in a week. Also I just don’t want to deal with this bullshit anymore. He’s so needed and he doesn’t understand my need for space and solitude. UGH he just doesn’t understand me at all. He thinks he knows me but he’s barely just read chapter one of a thousand page novel. Anyways beside the fact that I’m most likely going to break his heart I am apparently a fucking pleasure vessel who has been placed on earth as a beacon of fucking heat. Heat meaning pleasurable existence. God, I just know how to cause, well, I know how to cause Greg extreme pleasure – minus New Years (that’s a no duh kinda way around it) – by just moving. It’s weird, like I know I’m a sexual being I just am but like I could probably tab Thom’s weaknesses really easily. Now its just using all of what I’ve learned to help me get someone who is worth it. Now who is worth my time of day? Hmmmm.

Boys at EMS Worth My Pleasure (this isn’t in an order):

1. Royce ( HOT!)

2. Morgan ( yet is a total ass and we are NOT in the same circle at ALL!) so actually he isn’t he’s just hot.

3. Nick ( Siguine or what ever his last name is but yeah not Dong….oh god! ICK!)

4. Chris Sadko (love this kid, so awesome and funny! Would totally date him. Whoa, total serge of happiness thinking of him. This is an odd feeling….I like it!)

5. Okay of course Carson, he’s just a no brainer but nothing is ever going to happen so whatev’s.

6. Danny (My night in shining Gayness love him so much!)

God damn we need to start hanging out with more guys. This shouldn’t be this hard. A couple years ago I could make a list 20 guys long. This is friggin depressing. And I have a boyfriend. This is bullshit okay more of an ex-boyfriend that just doesn’t know it yet. Besides the point we just need more boys. More good boys, like not good good but just good overall guys. The gentlemanly boys.

Holy crap Greg is not a gentleman. Yeah he brought me a rose and showed up at my house unexpectedly but that’s because I told himto. He’s just so god damn needed. Ugh, piss off. Anyways going to bed now. I’ll need to rest for tomorrow. I’ve had a 4 day break. Go being sick and then falling down the stairs and hurting myself – yay…not! Okay I’m getting really bitter. Adios cyborg.

A New Year

Okay, so instead of having a gigantic post with all my New Years resolutions that I will never actually follow or accomplish I'm going to post what I've said the last couple of years and then just write another one. Off we go:

January 7, 2008

Weird, it’s 2008. Another pointless year has passed by. Dull as dish water, I’ll say. Nothing happened…oh wait, some stuff did happen:

IMPORTANT EVENTS IN OPHELYA TOR’S LIFE IN 2007:

^1. Rejecting Dylan…and then falling helplessly in love with him.

^2. The last day of school: the two hours spent with Andres and Eric will forever go down as some of the funniest and most memorable minutes of my life, and most enjoyed.

^3. Asking Eric out and actually having feelings for him.

^4. Going to Europe (no shit) and having a blast.

^5. Being at the Wired Monk for the Their There thing and being the happiest I’ve ever felt and feeling so at peace as we belted out ‘Hey Jude’. Has gone down as THE most memorable moment in my life…so far.

^6. All the mornings spent with Christine, Lauren and Laura.

^7. Being in a class with a bunch of rowdy boys, learned a lot about myself and had a bunch of fun.

Thanks Guys and Everyone. You mean so much to me. High School has been so much fun and you made it that way. You all have a place in my heart and I will never, ever forget any of you.

Now it’s a new year and new memories will be made and new things to write about…nothing yet, but who knows what’s going to happen. In three weeks the new semester starts and so new classes are coming with new teachers and new people, or old people. I’m actually stoked for it. And well I really can’t wait for this semester to be over. I might jump for joy once I’ve finished my math provincial I’ll be so happy, second that for my Spanish final as well.

Well unfortunately I do have to go to bed, even though I am not the least bit tired, but it is school tomorrow, the first day back after our two week winter break, so I do need to turn my light off.

Adios.

Current Life

Current Muse: Lady Gaga

Current Boyfriend: N/A

Current Girlfriend: N/A

Current Christmas Spirit: Nonexistent

Current Weight: I don't event want to know, but add on half a turkey and god knows how many chocolates

Current Happiness Level: Fairly Good

Current Awake-ness Level: Barely There

Current Employment: Slave to Meat

Current Writing Status: Far to close to Nonexistent

Current I-Feel-Fab-About-Life-In-All-Ways Level: Below Any Possible Radar

Life in Ophelya's life is always an upbeat and fun experience!

Not.

Bile

yeah, weird name, whatever I don't care. I was thinking that i should probably go to bed, or do some homework or be productive in anyway....and then i began to write. I love to hate my procrastination. Right now, I'm hating it a lot. I know the saying, where theres a will there's a way! Yet whoever wrote that was not at all depressed or hadn't hit his or her midlife crisis...or they were just stupid and naive. Either way, its not at all that simple for me. I believe that I am most likely clinically depressed. OMG!! NO WAYS!! You might say, but come on!?! THINK ABOUT IT! I'm 17, my parents are divorced - big shock now a days - my father is with another woman who I hate, my sister has moved out and I had a really bad break-up the WEEK before my grade 12 year started. How would you be feeling? Oh and I have a show opening in a week and I'm sexually confused and frustrated. This is all happening in one head, among numerous other things that I can't get into at all because that would take up far to much of my time and your time.

Oh one other thing, not only are my problems running around in my head, my friends are asking for advice and just making stupid decisions for themselves. WHO WANTS TO DATE A WHORE!!?!?! apparently my friend does and is attempting to court a fucking strumpet! God! Wow totally forgot, I'm writer as well - as you know - and that means that I have characters, therefore their problems are in my head and there stories! I can't get it all straight! If not, I'm fucked righteously!

Thats all for tonight non-readers,

Toodles,

Ophelya - The Unconventional Girl (with messed up and stereotypical problems)

New Spanish Project

If any of you out there are Argentinean or know about the food, please e-mail me some of your thoughs about it and/or some of your favourite recipies! Thanks a bunch!!

Ophelya,
The Unconventional Girl

Another Poem

Well, first one thing: I forgot one movie from my list. Gladiator! Such a fantastic performance by Russel Crow and fantastic cinematography!

The poems that I am posting are ones which were inspired by a sign given to me by Fate. Yes it does sound odd but hey I'm pretty much pagan and a fatalist.

Remember the Moth

Silken touch
Dusting the skin with velvet feet
Tip-toeing onto my hand
Wings painted in rings of dull grey
Remember the moth
Mysterious nocturnal angel
Dancing in the light
Fluttering with the hands of death
Controversial butterfly
Tainted with spite and darkness
Hidden from the sun
Innocence of night
Fly home

Return

The moth returns to her cage
After being seduced by his light
Letter her delicate wings
Be encased in the gleam
It flickered then went out
Vanished from site
The moth fell
Tumbling through dangerous air
Seconds drew on like ages
Dust settled on her falling body

My Favourite Movies

An odd title yes, but its a worthy one.

1. American Beauty
2. Requiem For A Dream
3. Girl, Interrupted
4. Fight Club
5. Prozac Nation

Fave Disney Movies:
1. Mulan
2. Tarzan
3. Robin Hood
4. Hercules
5. Peter Pan

6. Anastasia - it isn't disney but it should be

I'm A Poet, Suck It!

I’ll feel it when you do
The pain that boils in my blood
Burning the real emotion black
Turning my mind backwards
Can’t you see me suffer each day
Each day your hand clasps my breath
Take what you think is yours
Leave me with what is left of my broke thoughts
I’ll feel it when you do


Blacks of our hearts
Contentment of the dust of forlorn past
Controlling the subject’s knees.
Books debate the clouds above
Vague looks of understanding other virtues
Vexatious heavens of God

Yup, I'm depressed and artsy...anything else new? No, okay lets move onto more important things...

Uninteresting Title

Well, guess what?
1. I'm bored with life again
2. I'm considering not playing this guy because I'm A. not sure if I'm that into him and B. I really want to date a girl.
3. Major problems with the above
4. Haven't been to see my counselor in about 2 weeks, funnily enough both weeks I've been at my dads.
5. I think I freaked my writing teacher with this short story i wrote. I'll post it when I have the right copy on my computer.

Anyways, its only Wednesday, i'm fucked.

Oh and there is a major wind storm battering my house. Its scary and messed up.

Anyways, thats all for now. I know pretty lame post but fuck off....

Whats New...?

As usual, nothing. Just hyped up watching Requiem at 12AM when I have school in 8 hours. Wow thats weird to think about, I'll have 6 hours of sleep and then school in 2. Ouch, Im going to crash. Oh well, i've gone on 2. This wont be that bad.
Though at the rate this stupid thing is loading I'll be sitting here until 6AM! WOOT!

Oh new found fantastic idol: Jared Leto. Man I love his acting also the fact that he stumbled into it. If only his music was as good as his acting. I dunno, 30 Seconds to Mars. They're good, just not fantastic...in the least. His melody stuff is great but not to keen on his screamo esc. Just doesn't float my boat. Nope , nope.

Everybody has to come down at some point
You can't fly forever
locked away in your beautiful fantasies
Nothing is always
Fleeting glimpses of future horror
If only you could see it is reality
Controlled by your pills and veins
Intravenous delinquents


Wow, first poem written in a while.

10 to one. I'm fucked.

okay, 1:30AM. TIRED!!!! And really shocked at how amazing requiem was. Chops to director and writer!!

Dynamics

So, I'm sitting in front of my friends computer and I don't know why I am here. I'm here because of fucking habit. I'm tired, getting into a disagreement with another friend and its fucking Thursday and 11 o'clock. WHY AM I HERE?!?!?

This blows. I feel incredibly out of place in the house I should feel completely at ease.

They are talking about things, that I can't put an input and they don't care. At all. And it sucks. I know it is my turn to be this one, but still it's really hurting and I don't want it to.

That first part was written a while ago and now I am better. Went to the counsellor yesterday and she said I did incredibly well considering my age (17). And today my Spanish teacher told me word for word, "I'm not giving up on you!" As I was leaving the class! I WAS SO HAPPY! I'm getting 57.6% in the class, i was getting 45 something-or-rather a couple weeks before. This week has been so awesome so far. Oh I also reconciled with my long time ex BF G. Yet he kind of confessed his undying love for me, not so into that. I don't re-date, just one of my many rules. I just don't go for the sloppy seconds, its kinda pitiful in my books. Though it really depends on the person. For G, no I would NOT get back together. Our relationship ended for a reason and those reasons are still there. Sorry Honey, not going to happen.