Messed UP!

Okay so bringing yalls up to speed. I AM A WHORE! Holy shit! I actually don't know what is wrong with me!!! Okay so the story, last night I was at a party with my friends and stuff and I got really high - actually not that high but a couple to many tokes. Anyways, I was also fairly drunk or tipsy, and well I kissed and confronted the girl I like and then hooked up with my ex, kissed a good friend and also kissed another good friend. I AM A WHORE! DEAR LORD! and then tonight, instead of going and hanging out with my other friends I chose to invite my ex over, cuz we agreed to be friends with benefits (WHAT??), and we made out fro about three hours... I FAIL!!! Oh and I'm doing this while I'm fawning over this AMAZING girl I realllllllly like! Oh god, she's so amazing! She's beautiful, funny okay HILARIOUS, intelligent, she laughs at my really bad jokes and I believe she likes me to. I think, but all she is saying is that she is CONFUSED!! UGH! (she has never had anyone be so upfront about liking her, I DON"T KNOW WHY! She is so glorious!

Okay, anyways, thats the past 42 hours of my life, great huh? I just keep fucking myself over. I know I should stop with the friends with benefits but until i know what is going on with my crush, WHY NOT? I know it's a bad view point but i even talked to her about it's not a bad thing, just if she's not cool with it I'll stop. But she hasn't said anything about it other than no its okay but should I just trust my instincts and stop it? WHat do I DO!!?!?!? I NEED A COUNCELORS APOINTMENT!! Dear lord, and I thought grade 12 wouldn't be so fucked up...well, I was wrong.

The Current Fucked Up Me:

Current Muse: Stars, Radiohead, Disney, Muse

Current Boyfriend: no

Current Girlfriend: Hopefully A!

Current Relationship Status: Having a FWB and a major crush

Current Weight: okay, but I still want to lose some weight

Current Happiness Level: Not good!

Current Awake-ness Level: Pretty good

Current Employment: Slave to Meat

Current Writing Status: starting second chapter of The Unknown

Current I-Feel-Fab-About-Life-In-All-Ways Level: Shit

Ophelya = depressed, suppressed sexuallity and urges mixed with utter stupidity UGH!!!

My life is turning into a soup opera!

F...M...L

I REALLY need to be doing my homework right now but FUCK IT! I'm soo damn tired and I should have been doing homework all day but instead I went to my friend Thoms house and ate really good pasta and watched Hot Fuzz - my mother thought it was a porn, it isn't.

Anyways, I shall actually get onto my work.

Night.!

The Unconventional, Undeniable Procrastinator Girl

a New Year 2009 into 2010

I don't even know what day it is....(moments to find out the date) ah, January 3rd, 2010....OH MY F******* GOD!

Okay, 2010, I can handle this. Okay, important events and all that jazz in my life this past year:

1. Broke up with Greg, sorry Greg you just were a really bad bf and I could not handle two and a half hour conversations ever single night. Though it is nice that we are friends...sort of.
2. Went to GIFTS, SUCH an awesome time, and I met Matt.
3. Having my 'heart' broken by Matt in the middle of Vancouver when I was going to commit. That sucked but it needed to be done so that I know what I'm putting people through when I drop them on their asses unexpectedly. Thats all that a Break Up is, it is an unfortunate turn of completely unexpected and horrible words which happen to digest a relationship in three words: Sorry, its over.
4. GETTING MY MAC! Yeah I know superficial and materialistic, but it is so pretty!!! I loves it (bad grammar).
5. KICKING ass at the One Acts - school festival, my team and I did the 15 Minute Hamlet and it ROCKED!
6. Ermmmmm.....OH! Coming up with the ideas for The Unknown and The Empire, two could be novels or screen plays - oh yeah that is hard to figure out.
7. SEEING PEARL JAM FOR MY BIRTHDAY!! EDDIE VEDDER IS A DEMI-GOD

I think that is it, I think. Of course I'll most likely think up seventeen hundred more things to thank in about 20 minutes. OH

1. Okay, I can't change that to 8 but this is number 8: DOCTOR WHo! Thanks David Tennant for being awesome and creative and just a down right wicked actor in general. We shall miss seeing you as the Doctor but we - I guess all of your fans, not sure why I'm writing in second person - know you shall go on to do amazing things! Thanks!

Okay, thats it for now. I will post again on a later date in the year 20 fucking 10! Oh dear lord....

The Unconventional Girl

A New Year 2008 into 2009

January 11, 2009

Well 2009! Yay what a year this one has been. God so fucking insane. Hmmmmmm:

IMPORTANT EVENTS IN OPHELYA TOR’S LIFE IN 2008:

^1. Promising to Carson that I will live my life and not commit suicide.

^2. The Nap (you know which day) Interestingly enough it was a peek of happiness and destruction.

^3. Not dating Thom and becoming really awesome friends instead!

^4. SAN FRANSICO!! And seeing Sabe there and talking and never missing anyone more (other than missing Carson so much that I almost cried everyday).

^5. Missing the fact that Carson and I will never be the same L.

^6. The One ACTS! Great experience but hard as fucking HELL!

^7. Writing my own play (fuck yeah I accomplished that!)

^8. Having a boyfriend

^9. Having all of my friends accept him and bring him into their own lives. Thank you, you have no idea what it means to me and him!

^10. Becoming more with my emotions (kind of) and realising that I can take charge and command.

^11. One more thing, Thank you The New Pornographers for writing the song Bleeding Hearts Show, it has become our anthem!

I think that’s it. It was another amazing year and there were so many good times that I can’t think of just one time that over ruled them all and was the best. Each time I’m with you all I feel accepted and that I can be myself completely. Thank you my dears, I will remember you always and forever!

January 18, 2009

Well, HA this is an interesting little tid-bit I’m breaking up with Greg. I’m just not feeling it. I dunno, I’ll give it a week or so just so that I know for a fact that that is what I want. And I will know in a week. Also I just don’t want to deal with this bullshit anymore. He’s so needed and he doesn’t understand my need for space and solitude. UGH he just doesn’t understand me at all. He thinks he knows me but he’s barely just read chapter one of a thousand page novel. Anyways beside the fact that I’m most likely going to break his heart I am apparently a fucking pleasure vessel who has been placed on earth as a beacon of fucking heat. Heat meaning pleasurable existence. God, I just know how to cause, well, I know how to cause Greg extreme pleasure – minus New Years (that’s a no duh kinda way around it) – by just moving. It’s weird, like I know I’m a sexual being I just am but like I could probably tab Thom’s weaknesses really easily. Now its just using all of what I’ve learned to help me get someone who is worth it. Now who is worth my time of day? Hmmmm.

Boys at EMS Worth My Pleasure (this isn’t in an order):

1. Royce ( HOT!)

2. Morgan ( yet is a total ass and we are NOT in the same circle at ALL!) so actually he isn’t he’s just hot.

3. Nick ( Siguine or what ever his last name is but yeah not Dong….oh god! ICK!)

4. Chris Sadko (love this kid, so awesome and funny! Would totally date him. Whoa, total serge of happiness thinking of him. This is an odd feeling….I like it!)

5. Okay of course Carson, he’s just a no brainer but nothing is ever going to happen so whatev’s.

6. Danny (My night in shining Gayness love him so much!)

God damn we need to start hanging out with more guys. This shouldn’t be this hard. A couple years ago I could make a list 20 guys long. This is friggin depressing. And I have a boyfriend. This is bullshit okay more of an ex-boyfriend that just doesn’t know it yet. Besides the point we just need more boys. More good boys, like not good good but just good overall guys. The gentlemanly boys.

Holy crap Greg is not a gentleman. Yeah he brought me a rose and showed up at my house unexpectedly but that’s because I told himto. He’s just so god damn needed. Ugh, piss off. Anyways going to bed now. I’ll need to rest for tomorrow. I’ve had a 4 day break. Go being sick and then falling down the stairs and hurting myself – yay…not! Okay I’m getting really bitter. Adios cyborg.

A New Year

Okay, so instead of having a gigantic post with all my New Years resolutions that I will never actually follow or accomplish I'm going to post what I've said the last couple of years and then just write another one. Off we go:

January 7, 2008

Weird, it’s 2008. Another pointless year has passed by. Dull as dish water, I’ll say. Nothing happened…oh wait, some stuff did happen:

IMPORTANT EVENTS IN OPHELYA TOR’S LIFE IN 2007:

^1. Rejecting Dylan…and then falling helplessly in love with him.

^2. The last day of school: the two hours spent with Andres and Eric will forever go down as some of the funniest and most memorable minutes of my life, and most enjoyed.

^3. Asking Eric out and actually having feelings for him.

^4. Going to Europe (no shit) and having a blast.

^5. Being at the Wired Monk for the Their There thing and being the happiest I’ve ever felt and feeling so at peace as we belted out ‘Hey Jude’. Has gone down as THE most memorable moment in my life…so far.

^6. All the mornings spent with Christine, Lauren and Laura.

^7. Being in a class with a bunch of rowdy boys, learned a lot about myself and had a bunch of fun.

Thanks Guys and Everyone. You mean so much to me. High School has been so much fun and you made it that way. You all have a place in my heart and I will never, ever forget any of you.

Now it’s a new year and new memories will be made and new things to write about…nothing yet, but who knows what’s going to happen. In three weeks the new semester starts and so new classes are coming with new teachers and new people, or old people. I’m actually stoked for it. And well I really can’t wait for this semester to be over. I might jump for joy once I’ve finished my math provincial I’ll be so happy, second that for my Spanish final as well.

Well unfortunately I do have to go to bed, even though I am not the least bit tired, but it is school tomorrow, the first day back after our two week winter break, so I do need to turn my light off.

Adios.